I am not dating a racial slur.

I work as a waitress. Last night I had a table of about 6 extremely drunk guys come in. Although they were not my table, every time I would walk by them to fill someone’s drink (They were sitting in a table right next to our pop machine) they would cat call me. I started out by ignoring it, why fuel the fire, right? However, when one of them blurted out that I am a “fine piece of ass” my patience was wearing thin. I turned around, smiled, and stated “Yeah, my boyfriend thinks so too.” 

In all honesty, looking back I should have just remained silent like I had been doing. But hindsight is always 20/20. The guys then all started laughing and saying that they were just trying to “compliment me”  and that I didn’t have to be “such a bitch about things” *This is when I started getting angry and probably should have walked away, but sometimes I have a smart mouth.*

I told the table of guys that if they wanted to compliment me they could tell me that I was pretty and then they could shut up. Not my finest moment as a server, but they were teenagers and I felt I was in the right. I walked away pleased with myself and continued to serve tables until someone else needed a refill. Great, back over to the pop machine by the incredibly drunk a**holes, I thought. As I was refilling the soda the boys were sitting there catcalling me again and talking to each other about me loud enough that I could hear them. I was mentally making note to not use this pop station for the rest of the night when I hear one of the boys say “There’s no way she has a boyfriend, and even if she does.. I’d still tap that.” 

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I turned around and flashed my phone screen at them which happens to have this picture of Ra’Montae and I as the screen saver.

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The obnoxious kid that was way too drunk and way too underage says this: “Awh girl, why are you dating a n*gger? They ain’t gone treat you right” along with some other very profane choice of words. Once again, I had the opportunity to just walk away.. and I realize this now. However, I was heated. I told the guy he was racist and that I am not dating “one”. I told the guy he could shut up or I would go get my manager and they could leave.

Let me just get this straight though. I am not dating a N*gger. (My hands feel dirty for even just typing that word.) I am dating a man with the smoothest brown skin, and curly hair. I am dating a respectable, hardworking man that would do anything to make me smile at the end of the day. I am dating a man who helps me buy groceries, wash laundry, and even clean my apartment even though he has other things to do, works 40 hours a week, and it’s not his job. I am dating a man that holds doors open for me and everyone else behind him EVERY TIME. I am dating a man who has never been arrested, and doesn’t walk around acting like a fool. I am dating a humble man, someone who puts others before himself. I am dating a man who loves motorcycles, and music. I am dating a man with a future. I am dating a man with a great sense of humor. I am dating a man who cuddles his puppy like a newborn baby. I am dating a man that will eat hot cheetos with me while binge watching netflix. I am dating a man who tells me I look pretty in glasses and pajamas that I haven’t taken off for two days in a row. I am dating a man who loves to cook, and is sooooo good at it. I am dating a man that spoils me. I am dating a man who loves God. I am dating a man who loves me unconditionally.

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Although this has not been common, it is not the first time people have said stuff like this to me for dating an African American as a white girl. Why do people care? Why make it a big deal? Why even bring race into the picture? Why not just leave it as I am dating the man mentioned above without any indicators as to what race he or myself is? Wake up people, it is almost 2015. Why are we not seeing people like God sees them? We are all human, no matter what you hair, skin, or eye color is.. we all bleed red. I cannot stand the ignorance of some people in this world.

I could make a thousand posts over this subject, but I’ll leave it at this for now. Quit judging people based on skin color, judge people based on actions. End of story.

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*To clear confusion: No, I did not serve the teens alcohol. They came in drunk.

FUTURE COMMENTS ARE BEING MODERATED. I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY RUDE, DEROGATORY, DEMEANING, OR DOWNRIGHT IGNORANT COMMENTS. THEY WILL BE DELETED AS SOON AS I SEE THEM. (you’re entitled to disagree with me all you want, it just needs to be done in a constructive & respectful manner.) THANKS!

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1,413 thoughts on “I am not dating a racial slur.

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  1. This is such an amazing blog. I’m glad to see that you are actively making progress towards the final resolution of the whiteness problem on behalf of humanity. The haters will always hate but the inevitable reality is that we’ll all be brown one day. People like you are ahead of the curve! Racists on average have lower IQs which cause them to have perpetual internal frustration and therefore they always have something negative to say about intermarriage, but they just need to be reminded that diversity is our greatest strength! We must forgive the racists for their ignorance, they just don’t know any better! lol

    Good night white pride!

    1. Amen. Me and my wife of 33 years know all about people and their ignorance. In our position it feels us against the world sometimes but it doesn’t bother us because we are winning. There will come a day when God will put a end to racist and hate. The bible says how can you love me who you can not see but hate your brother who you can see. You two stay strong for one another.

    2. The IQ part of your comment, not true. Both high IQ individuals & dumb people can be racist. Wouldn’t you say a large portion of Germans have high IQ’s? Yet, look what happened during Adolf Hitler’s time.

  2. I absolutely agree with you… I’m also a white girl dating an amazing man whose skin color is a beautiful shade of brown… I love this post… Thank you… I’m teaching my girls to see people just as that: people NOT their skin color!!!

  3. I thought that we were more advanced as a culture/society than that. I’m sorry for what you had to deal with but you wrote a wonderful blog about it and it has been shared by several of my friends. I’m going to share it too.

  4. I have been married for 35 years and have 3 beautiful children because I feel in love with a wonderful MAN! Love comes in all colors and shapes for each of us and how blessed are we when we find it.

  5. This made me cry. I relate to it very much. If only others could see your boyfriend’s heart, they could see him the way you do. I echo your sentiments. This article will go somewhere in educating some people’s small minds. Rachel

      1. Dear Ashlyn,
        I just read this blog. And the one about you getting hate mail from it. I am a white female dating a white guy, I don’t have many African Americans in my community. I don’t really have any interracial experience either, but I don’t have to to see the ignorance these people have. I hope I haven’t commented too late. I’m not super focused on racial problems, feminism, or other social factors. But that does not mean I am blind to actions when I see or hear about them. First of all, I noticed how you said you should have just kept your mouth shut. I just want to say, I see why you would say that, but no you shouldn’t of. You were sticking up for yourself and you should have 110% done that. You’re not a “fine piece of ass”. I mean, you are pretty by what I see in the pictures, but what I meant is you are a human being. Also, I believe people should be seen as being people. Not being black, white, Asian, etc. i hope that you have seen this and have not been discouraged by the ignorant assholes that found nothing better to do with their time than sit there and write letters and comments of hateful, uncultured crap. Please know not everyone is like that, and as long as your boyfriend treats you right, stay with him forever. Once he stops or is doing things wrong, don’t stay with him a minute longer. Be with someone who treats you good. Whether they’re black, white, purple, yellow, green, Asian, Indian, doesn’t matter. Keep your head up girl.
        – Brooke

  6. I just ran across your blog “I’m not dating an n-word,” even though it’s over a year old. It is wonderfully well written. I showed it to each of my children. I am a bi-racial man born in the early 70s of a black father and white mother. Needless to say I certainly had to deal with such racial issues from both races throughout my entire life. I dated girls/women of different races while growing up, difficult as it was, but I met my wife who is white in college one night as we both where the 3rd wheel on our best friends’ date. Just like my mom’s parents, her parents did not approve in the 90s. We now have 5 kids – 4 sons followed by our daughter – all teenagers but each of different skin tones from almost white to brown. However my career has taken me from my hometown where couples like my wife and I are somewhat common to her childhood town that is mostly white. We are a rare biracial couple here, but this town is where we have been raising them since they were little. My youngest son, now a freshman, has the same skin tone as your bf. He currently is dating a white girl who is the only child of his high school principal (dad) and kindergarten teacher (mom). At first I was worried the two would get the same treatment that my mom and dad and my wife and I received from family or people we knew and also didn’t know – really what her parents would think. But so far the two have not experienced any such problems and her parents have taken him in and also have become like family to us – in-laws sort of. And they are really into one another as well, out in public together a ton. Race is not an issue for them at all and their friends. And her other family members are cool with him. It feels great. Anyway, I’m sorry you went through all that. Sounds like those kids have more than racial issues. They appear to have social issues treating women like objects to go along with their racial issues. I shared this blog with each of my family, but especially with my youngest son and his gf so that they would know how to handle it should such an issue come about. I hope not, but I’m afraid it might sometime. Thanx so much. You are a brave young woman like the women in my life I hold most dear. Your parents and your man should be very proud. God bless. Phil. 4:13

  7. come on i have seen so many interracial couples …from even different parts of the world ….plus our world is changing socialy ..we are in the 21st century and people need to accept and respect the new diversified society thats in our world …anyways stay strong and i know you guys will make it far in life…

  8. First off i just want to say racism will always be around. Just want to encourage y’all to stay strong and keep God first.

    From a man in an interracial relationship

  9. If this story is true, that is very sad. Race does not define who you are. ALL lives matter. I do believe pulling your phone out and acting rash was not the way to go about things. Girls get hit on all the time, no need to get defensive just because you are in a relationship. Next time, just walk away and be happy for crying out loud.

  10. Yall can say brown all day long, but I will say this…. Few things sexier than a Tall good-looking muscular black Man! I’m a white girl, my hubs is a white man, our biggest tease is I tell him, ” my next hubs will be a beautiful muscular black Man”

  11. I love your point of view, but here is my problem with this story. You should absolutely not have needed to have deal with these kids in the first place. They never should have been allowed to stay in your establishment after their first cat call. I cannot imagine that no other employee heard what was happening and couldn’t haven’t had a manager toss them.

    Yes, it’s 2015. It’s time that no server, being paid sub minimum wage need to handle this type of treatment from a customer. That’s why managers are paid “the big bucks”.

    1. btw, I don’t mean to sound indifferent to the issue. I dated a Chinese man for 6 years and we certainly had our own set of words thrown at us. I just had already had enough of those creeps in your story before you even talked about your boyfriend. Best of luck to you both.

  12. I do hope you choose to adopt instead of having a mixed child…they are cute, but not puppies. Mixed kids are sicker, more depressed….and….if they need an organ….you CAN NOT donate to your child. You will have more in common with the white woman in the grocery store who you DO NOT KNOW than you will with your own child. There is no such thing as a African/Caucasian kidney. You can’t do bone marrow….Do your research.

    https://medicalxpress.com/news/2009-05-mixed-race-patients-struggle-marrow-donors.html

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1448064/

  13. AMEN! I was dating a guy that was mixed a few years back, it didn’t work out for us but still the way my family reacted was unacceptable. I was told by my dad I was dead to him and by grandmother that I was not the granddaughter she wanted anymore and that her son came first and she had to “back him up” and I came last so I was her least priority. But yes people need to realize that looks don’t matter when love is involved.

  14. Ashley, I know you will probably delete my comment, but unfortunately for women like you, you will never be able to take back your actions. Did this ever cross your mind before taking these permanent live steps of betraying your racial lineage? Interracial relationships are a crime against nature in my view and it is an abomination. And if you have any children, your children will never be white. And since you claim you believe in God, God created the races to stay as the races, not so that mentally-ill liberals would destroy them. And as a couple you look awful. If that’s something you’d like to congratulate yourself on… go right ahead. That’s how mental illness works.

    1. I typically refrain from arguing with idiots.. but it has been quite some time since I’ve ran across a comment filled with as much hate as yours.

      I’m going to number these so it’s easy for your small brain to keep up with. Here goes:

      1. “Take back your actions” what actions are you assuming I would want to “take back”? I’m assuming you are referring to dating outside my race and with that statement you are absolutely correct. I cannot take back ANY past action I’ve done. However, going forward I will continue to date whoever I find myself attracted to. (Regardless of race)

      2. “Betraying my racial lineage” Sir, i sure do hope you realize that it’s the year 2017 and majority of the world’s population is “mixed.” Hell, I don’t even know my own lineage beyond the fact my last name is Irish, my great grandpa was Nez Perce, and that’s where my knowledge ends. What I DO know is that we are all of the HUMAN RACE.. the rest shouldn’t matter.

      3. Holy shit batman! My kids won’t look like me? They may have tanner skin than I but they can still have my fingers, my dimples, my eyes, my personality.. etc. science is cool like that. I encourage you to sit in on a middle school science class when they learn how Punnett squares work (hopefully that wasn’t too big of a word for you.) Here’s a google link that shows how genealogy works. http://scienceprimer.com/punnett-square-calculator

      4. “Crime against nature” this has me quite perplexed as I am confused how two humans dating is a crime against nature… now if I were partaking in bestiality then this comment would make sense.

      5. LGod created the races to stay as the races”

    2. I typically refrain from arguing with idiots.. but it has been quite some time since I’ve ran across a comment filled with as much hate as yours.

      I’m going to number these so it’s easy for your small brain to keep up with. Here goes:

      1. “Take back your actions” what actions are you assuming I would want to “take back”? I’m assuming you are referring to dating outside my race and with that statement you are absolutely correct. I cannot take back ANY past action I’ve done. However, going forward I will continue to date whoever I find myself attracted to. (Regardless of race)

      2. “Betraying my racial lineage” Sir, i sure do hope you realize that it’s the year 2017 and majority of the world’s population is “mixed.” Hell, I don’t even know my own lineage beyond the fact my last name is Irish, my great grandpa was Nez Perce, and that’s where my knowledge ends. What I DO know is that we are all of the HUMAN RACE.. the rest shouldn’t matter.

      3. Holy shit batman! My kids won’t look like me? They may have tanner skin than I but they can still have my fingers, my dimples, my eyes, my personality.. etc. science is cool like that. I encourage you to sit in on a middle school science class when they learn how Punnett squares work (hopefully that wasn’t too big of a word for you.) Here’s a google link that shows how genealogy works. http://scienceprimer.com/punnett-square-calculator

      4. “Crime against nature” this has me quite perplexed as I am confused how two humans dating is a crime against nature… now if I were partaking in bestiality then this comment would make sense.

      5. God created the races to stay as the races” I must have totally missed this bible lesson my whole life. Please provide me where God ever said that.

      6. I am afraid sir that the only mental illness I’m concerned with here is yours.. you have got to be delusional!

      7. My name is Ashlyn… with an “N”

      Have a blessed day.

  15. Thanks for showing your ignorance. And yes you are mentally damaged.

    1. Once you go black, don’t come back. That’s what it means. Enjoy your misery. If you as a person of European descent find Africans “attractive”, then you are mentally ill, not to mention a low class person at the very bottom of our society.

    2. Yes you are a race traitor, and it does not matter if the year is 4017. A race traitor is a race traitor and your descendants won’t be because it is the end of the line for you before you killed off your genes. And no, the majority of the world’s population is NOT mixed. Only third world and backwards racially mixed nations are. And no thanks to traitors like you, it precisely your lot that contributes to the misery of the world by breeding multi-racial, ugly people.

    3. Yes your kids will never look like you, and they will never look like any of your family members either. Your pride is in the gutter and don’t try to pretend that you are so “proud” of your [lack of] “accomplishments”. You are a bottom feeder of society by your own choosing. And race is a lot more than “color” and being “tan”. Before now, your family had the same race AND complexion, and henceforth you destroyed that commonality. And your children will be Mongrels.

    4. Yes you are committing crimes against nature, because you have contaminated your racial lineage. The European race does not belong with the African race. If it ever did, there would be no races on this planet in the first place. You are someone that also makes the human race uglier and dumber, instead of reinforcing its beauty and intelligence.

    5. Obviously you lack imagination to understand what that means. If God created human beings as one race, then why are there different races with distinct racial features besides color? And as if running around and fornicating with blacks for years we are supposed to believe you’re interested in what the Bible says? what a joke!

    6. Don’t be concerned with my “mental illness”. Go work on your own demons, you have plenty circling around your head.

    7. Your name ends in an “N”. Cute. Does that stand for Nitwit or Negroed, or both?

  16. Ashlyn, most people are trying to help you in love, but you see only hate. Do you seek validation or approval from others on your dating choice? If so, you are going to be disappointed. Many people will see your boyfriend choice as wrong and will never think it is the best decision you could have made. You may wish it to be so, but the reality is that most people won’t approve of your choice.

    A lie that has been circulating in recent times is that “we are all one race, the human race.” While it is true we are all humans, but scientifically, humans are divided into three genetically distinct sub-species (races to the layperson): caucasoid, africanoid, and mongoloid. The sub-species differ up to 25% genetically, and are not considered different species, only because the hybrids between the sub-species are most often fertile, where as hybrids between different species are most often sterile.

    Biblically speaking the different sub-species could be viewed as different creatures of humans, so most would view staying within your own sub-species as keeping with every creature with their own kind.

    Most would agree that bestiality between the sub-species is repulsive, but it has become somewhat tolerated in recent times, because some have fallen for the lie that color is the only difference between human. Engaging in bestiality between the sub-species definitely is not the best nor the ideal situation for someone, but now is not considered as repulsive as species to species bestiality, which hopefully everyone would condemn if you were letting a dog have sex with you.

    Most people assume the best, but if you and your boyfriend have been fornicating, then yes you have engaging in bestiality, but it was between human sub-species. Again, it would be considered better than bestiality with you and your dog mating, but not much. Even if you haven’t been fornicating with your boyfriend, many black boyfriends will say that you have been letting him have sex with you anyway. Many people both black and white will see you as low class or trashy because of your choices. We don’t know you or your motivations.

    Naturally women choose mates from their own sub-species that have traits or features similar to their own fathers, so most everyone will correctly see you with a potential mate of a different sub-species as unnatural. Everyone white gal’s reasoning for dating a different sub-species are different. Some girls and women have issues with their fathers. For some, it is abandonment, not feeling enough love, or just wanting to try to tick a normal dad off who wouldn’t want his daughter doing something unnatural or the possibility of hybrid grandkids. Others have some other deep hurt or are thrilled by the taboo of bestiality with someone outside their sub-species, so instead of looking for a mate of their own sub-species with similar features to their own fathers, they end up dating someone of a different sub-species.

    Some white women don’t take care of themselves and let themselves go or are obese or genetically predisposed to being thicker, some to the extent that white men are not interested in them as mates. To many black men, she might be a 300-400 pound white woman, but she is still a white woman and in his mind sees her as a symbol of his status.

    Other white girls and women get asked out by a black man and didn’t want to refuse the offer, because someone might falsely immediately call racist by people that act hateful, so they end up going on dates with them. Some have gotten pressured into sex or even raped, others refused sex, but the black guy tells all his friends or the guys at school that the girl had sex anyway. The white guys she really was interested in dating or would have wanted to date her now see her as low class.

    The act of bestiality between the human sub-species can produce hybrid offspring. Most africanoid + caucasoid hybrids will appear to be africanoid, because the africanoid sub-species is dominant genetically over the other sub-species.

    It is true that many black boyfriends will go out of their way to treat their white girfriend like a princess, because this often leads to the white girfriend to agree to sex. Once the sex has happened, it was just sex to a man, but has an affect on a woman and creates an emotional bond. Many black boyfriends see their white girlfriend(s) as a symbol of status and will stay around longer, but many will only stay around until they have succeeded in getting their white girlfriend pregnant then they are on to the next white gal to repeat the same thing with. White girls are less likely to have abortions as black girls, so often the white ex-girlfriend is left to raise the hybrid child on her own, with the help of parents when she is not disowned, or on welfare, leeching off the rest of society paying for her mistake. Maybe she really thought her relationship was love. Unfortunately after that first hybrid child that appears black, her chances of getting someone from her own sub-species is very low. Most white guys won’t even look at her, because any stepkids they may be able to pass off as their own need to be of the same sub-species, so she often ends up with more hybrid children.

    You may not be one, but some people are filled with such self-hate or have been in very bad relationships with members of their own sub-species, that they seek out others of a different sub-species for the ultimate goal of having hybrid offspring that won’t look like their own sub-species.

    Whatever the reason, whenever a woman helps create hybrids, she is commiting what some call genocide of her own sub-species. She is replacing her descendents of her own sub-species that should have existed with hybrids, that many believe are unnatural and shouldn’t exist.

    Right or wrong, you are free to make your own choices. Understand that there are hateful people out there, but most people are not being hateful and only hope you make the best decision possible, which would be finding someone of your own sub-species, a good white man who will cherish you and treat you right. Many people have seen too many of those relationships end badly. Many women like you thought everyone who didn’t agree with their dating choice was wrongly labeled a hater or racist the woman didn’t need to listen to, but then later realize too late that they should have listened to their family and friends and people trying to help them. They could have avoided what they are going through now and don’t want you to make the same mistakes.

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