Love Is My Religion, Rants & Raves

I am not dating a racial slur.

I work as a waitress. Last night I had a table of about 6 extremely drunk guys come in. Although they were not my table, every time I would walk by them to fill someone’s drink (They were sitting in a table right next to our pop machine) they would cat call me. I started out by ignoring it, why fuel the fire, right? However, when one of them blurted out that I am a “fine piece of ass” my patience was wearing thin. I turned around, smiled, and stated “Yeah, my boyfriend thinks so too.” 

In all honesty, looking back I should have just remained silent like I had been doing. But hindsight is always 20/20. The guys then all started laughing and saying that they were just trying to “compliment me”  and that I didn’t have to be “such a bitch about things” *This is when I started getting angry and probably should have walked away, but sometimes I have a smart mouth.*

I told the table of guys that if they wanted to compliment me they could tell me that I was pretty and then they could shut up. Not my finest moment as a server, but they were teenagers and I felt I was in the right. I walked away pleased with myself and continued to serve tables until someone else needed a refill. Great, back over to the pop machine by the incredibly drunk a**holes, I thought. As I was refilling the soda the boys were sitting there catcalling me again and talking to each other about me loud enough that I could hear them. I was mentally making note to not use this pop station for the rest of the night when I hear one of the boys say “There’s no way she has a boyfriend, and even if she does.. I’d still tap that.” 

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I turned around and flashed my phone screen at them which happens to have this picture of Ra’Montae and I as the screen saver.

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The obnoxious kid that was way too drunk and way too underage says this: “Awh girl, why are you dating a n*gger? They ain’t gone treat you right” along with some other very profane choice of words. Once again, I had the opportunity to just walk away.. and I realize this now. However, I was heated. I told the guy he was racist and that I am not dating “one”. I told the guy he could shut up or I would go get my manager and they could leave.

Let me just get this straight though. I am not dating a N*gger. (My hands feel dirty for even just typing that word.) I am dating a man with the smoothest brown skin, and curly hair. I am dating a respectable, hardworking man that would do anything to make me smile at the end of the day. I am dating a man who helps me buy groceries, wash laundry, and even clean my apartment even though he has other things to do, works 40 hours a week, and it’s not his job. I am dating a man that holds doors open for me and everyone else behind him EVERY TIME. I am dating a man who has never been arrested, and doesn’t walk around acting like a fool. I am dating a humble man, someone who puts others before himself. I am dating a man who loves motorcycles, and music. I am dating a man with a future. I am dating a man with a great sense of humor. I am dating a man who cuddles his puppy like a newborn baby. I am dating a man that will eat hot cheetos with me while binge watching netflix. I am dating a man who tells me I look pretty in glasses and pajamas that I haven’t taken off for two days in a row. I am dating a man who loves to cook, and is sooooo good at it. I am dating a man that spoils me. I am dating a man who loves God. I am dating a man who loves me unconditionally.

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Although this has not been common, it is not the first time people have said stuff like this to me for dating an African American as a white girl. Why do people care? Why make it a big deal? Why even bring race into the picture? Why not just leave it as I am dating the man mentioned above without any indicators as to what race he or myself is? Wake up people, it is almost 2015. Why are we not seeing people like God sees them? We are all human, no matter what you hair, skin, or eye color is.. we all bleed red. I cannot stand the ignorance of some people in this world.

I could make a thousand posts over this subject, but I’ll leave it at this for now. Quit judging people based on skin color, judge people based on actions. End of story.

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*To clear confusion: No, I did not serve the teens alcohol. They came in drunk.

FUTURE COMMENTS ARE BEING MODERATED. I WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY RUDE, DEROGATORY, DEMEANING, OR DOWNRIGHT IGNORANT COMMENTS. THEY WILL BE DELETED AS SOON AS I SEE THEM. (you’re entitled to disagree with me all you want, it just needs to be done in a constructive & respectful manner.) THANKS!

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1,399 thoughts on “I am not dating a racial slur.”

  1. This is such an amazing blog. I’m glad to see that you are actively making progress towards the final resolution of the whiteness problem on behalf of humanity. The haters will always hate but the inevitable reality is that we’ll all be brown one day. People like you are ahead of the curve! Racists on average have lower IQs which cause them to have perpetual internal frustration and therefore they always have something negative to say about intermarriage, but they just need to be reminded that diversity is our greatest strength! We must forgive the racists for their ignorance, they just don’t know any better! lol

    Good night white pride!

    1. Amen. Me and my wife of 33 years know all about people and their ignorance. In our position it feels us against the world sometimes but it doesn’t bother us because we are winning. There will come a day when God will put a end to racist and hate. The bible says how can you love me who you can not see but hate your brother who you can see. You two stay strong for one another.

  2. I absolutely agree with you… I’m also a white girl dating an amazing man whose skin color is a beautiful shade of brown… I love this post… Thank you… I’m teaching my girls to see people just as that: people NOT their skin color!!!

  3. I thought that we were more advanced as a culture/society than that. I’m sorry for what you had to deal with but you wrote a wonderful blog about it and it has been shared by several of my friends. I’m going to share it too.

  4. I have been married for 35 years and have 3 beautiful children because I feel in love with a wonderful MAN! Love comes in all colors and shapes for each of us and how blessed are we when we find it.

  5. This made me cry. I relate to it very much. If only others could see your boyfriend’s heart, they could see him the way you do. I echo your sentiments. This article will go somewhere in educating some people’s small minds. Rachel

      1. Dear Ashlyn,
        I just read this blog. And the one about you getting hate mail from it. I am a white female dating a white guy, I don’t have many African Americans in my community. I don’t really have any interracial experience either, but I don’t have to to see the ignorance these people have. I hope I haven’t commented too late. I’m not super focused on racial problems, feminism, or other social factors. But that does not mean I am blind to actions when I see or hear about them. First of all, I noticed how you said you should have just kept your mouth shut. I just want to say, I see why you would say that, but no you shouldn’t of. You were sticking up for yourself and you should have 110% done that. You’re not a “fine piece of ass”. I mean, you are pretty by what I see in the pictures, but what I meant is you are a human being. Also, I believe people should be seen as being people. Not being black, white, Asian, etc. i hope that you have seen this and have not been discouraged by the ignorant assholes that found nothing better to do with their time than sit there and write letters and comments of hateful, uncultured crap. Please know not everyone is like that, and as long as your boyfriend treats you right, stay with him forever. Once he stops or is doing things wrong, don’t stay with him a minute longer. Be with someone who treats you good. Whether they’re black, white, purple, yellow, green, Asian, Indian, doesn’t matter. Keep your head up girl.
        – Brooke

  6. I just ran across your blog “I’m not dating an n-word,” even though it’s over a year old. It is wonderfully well written. I showed it to each of my children. I am a bi-racial man born in the early 70s of a black father and white mother. Needless to say I certainly had to deal with such racial issues from both races throughout my entire life. I dated girls/women of different races while growing up, difficult as it was, but I met my wife who is white in college one night as we both where the 3rd wheel on our best friends’ date. Just like my mom’s parents, her parents did not approve in the 90s. We now have 5 kids – 4 sons followed by our daughter – all teenagers but each of different skin tones from almost white to brown. However my career has taken me from my hometown where couples like my wife and I are somewhat common to her childhood town that is mostly white. We are a rare biracial couple here, but this town is where we have been raising them since they were little. My youngest son, now a freshman, has the same skin tone as your bf. He currently is dating a white girl who is the only child of his high school principal (dad) and kindergarten teacher (mom). At first I was worried the two would get the same treatment that my mom and dad and my wife and I received from family or people we knew and also didn’t know – really what her parents would think. But so far the two have not experienced any such problems and her parents have taken him in and also have become like family to us – in-laws sort of. And they are really into one another as well, out in public together a ton. Race is not an issue for them at all and their friends. And her other family members are cool with him. It feels great. Anyway, I’m sorry you went through all that. Sounds like those kids have more than racial issues. They appear to have social issues treating women like objects to go along with their racial issues. I shared this blog with each of my family, but especially with my youngest son and his gf so that they would know how to handle it should such an issue come about. I hope not, but I’m afraid it might sometime. Thanx so much. You are a brave young woman like the women in my life I hold most dear. Your parents and your man should be very proud. God bless. Phil. 4:13

  7. come on i have seen so many interracial couples …from even different parts of the world ….plus our world is changing socialy ..we are in the 21st century and people need to accept and respect the new diversified society thats in our world …anyways stay strong and i know you guys will make it far in life…

  8. Yall can say brown all day long, but I will say this…. Few things sexier than a Tall good-looking muscular black Man! I’m a white girl, my hubs is a white man, our biggest tease is I tell him, ” my next hubs will be a beautiful muscular black Man”

  9. I love your point of view, but here is my problem with this story. You should absolutely not have needed to have deal with these kids in the first place. They never should have been allowed to stay in your establishment after their first cat call. I cannot imagine that no other employee heard what was happening and couldn’t haven’t had a manager toss them.

    Yes, it’s 2015. It’s time that no server, being paid sub minimum wage need to handle this type of treatment from a customer. That’s why managers are paid “the big bucks”.

    1. btw, I don’t mean to sound indifferent to the issue. I dated a Chinese man for 6 years and we certainly had our own set of words thrown at us. I just had already had enough of those creeps in your story before you even talked about your boyfriend. Best of luck to you both.

  10. I do hope you choose to adopt instead of having a mixed child…they are cute, but not puppies. Mixed kids are sicker, more depressed….and….if they need an organ….you CAN NOT donate to your child. You will have more in common with the white woman in the grocery store who you DO NOT KNOW than you will with your own child. There is no such thing as a African/Caucasian kidney. You can’t do bone marrow….Do your research.

    https://medicalxpress.com/news/2009-05-mixed-race-patients-struggle-marrow-donors.html

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1448064/

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