A Blog: We’re NOT expecting & why it’s weird that I have to defend myself for not being pregnant at 19.

 

I already know that this post will raise some controversy, especially with the facebook timeline that I have. First off, I would just like to state that this post is NOT about bashing teen moms, young married couples, or any other walk of life. I applaud you all. I cannot imagine the amount of work that you guys put in every day, both on the clock and off of it. I can barely even remember to turn off my bathroom light before I leave the house, eat breakfast, or take my vitamins. It’s not that I am irresponsible, because I am far from that… I just like the freedom that being 19 brings!

I was born to teen parent’s myself. I got to experience first hand the hardships that young parent’s struggle with day to day. I witnessed my beautiful, resilient, and intelligent mother struggle through poverty, divorces, and balancing 3 kids and (at times) 3 jobs. I think growing up in this atmosphere is what has kept my head on straight and has really pushed me to enjoy my freedom that comes with my age.

I am smart enough to know that not all babies are planned and that accidents happen. (duh, or I wouldn’t be here!) I know that ANYONE who is having sex is at risk of getting pregnant, I get that. I am also totally aware that no one should point fingers at others for getting pregnant if they themselves are sexually active. It can happen to anyone. HOWEVER, I am also smart enough to realize that if I don’t want a baby right now then there is a multitude of ways to keep it that way. (ie. abstinence, birth control, condoms..).

Recently I have not been able to log into any of my social media sites without seeing a pregnancy announcements, baby birthday’s, birth photograph’s, baby-daddy drama, engagement announcements, honeymoon pictures…etc.

A couple weeks ago I posted a picture of my new kitten with the caption “While everyone else is announcing they’re pregnant, I’m announcing I have a new pet!”. I’ve seen similar posts stating things such as “While everyone is over here having babies, I’m _________!”  What seemed as a harmless post sparked MULTIPLE conversations with young moms defending their choices and lifestyles, or (what I found to be astonishing) bashing me & other young adults for not having babies. Wait, what? I encountered several claims saying that “we” as young adults without children were “immature”, “sluts”, “partiers”, or that “we” needed to “grow up”.

Let me just stop right here.

Am I really having to defend myself and other young adults my age for NOT reproducing? I thought that this kind of conversation wasn’t supposed to happen until we were 30 something and still single with no intentions to reproduce while our “clock” was ticking. Apparently not, because I have found myself having this conversation with multiple people on multiple occasions… and I am still attending school, 19 years old, and at least 25 years away from menopause. Seriously? What’s the rush? I honestly don’t get it. I am in a happy, stable, relationship with a man I love unconditionally.. but wedding bells don’t ring in either of our heads as we binge watch Netflix while eating reheated, 3 day old leftovers, in our pj’s.. AND I LOVE IT!

What you want to do in your spare time is your business. If you found the man of your dreams and you’re madly in love, and you both want to make the commitment to get married, then congratulations! Marriage is such a blessed, beautiful, responsible… (the list goes on with fantastic words) decision. I will be happy for you, if I personally know you then I will support you. Same goes for having a baby. They’re a gift from God, such wonderful little blessings and are so precious. You know your life and yourselves better than anyone else and I applaud you all for making such adult decisions at this point in your lives.

However,it’s just nothing that interests me at this point in my life. I love my baby brother to death & I hope that someday I will get to see my parents welcome another bundle of joy into our lives, but after a few hours i’m over it. I like to shower whenever I want. I love to be able to hang out with friends whenever I want, choose an education and career I want. I love having the freedom that being a young adult brings. I could never financially support a child at this point in my life, heck I can barely remember to eat my own breakfast sometimes. And as far as getting married goes, I don’t see any engagement announcements for years to come. I want to finish school, have a career, and be with my love for a long time before we make any permanent decisions that will effect the rest of our lives. If I am going to marry someone anyways, then I don’t see the rush. Marriage won’t make me love anyone anymore than I do when I am in a serious relationship with them. *my opinion*

So for whatever decision my fellow facebook friends decide to make, I think it’s wonderful if your heart is really into it. I support you all, and most likely stalk your pages to see your gorgeous wedding photo’s, or see your sweet little baby’s progress and grow. I love watching you all live and lead happy lives. All that I ask is that you all do the same for me, because at this point in time I have other main focuses and priorities in my life that don’t consist of warming a bottle at 2 AM, or planning a honeymoon and wedding colors.

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17 thoughts on “A Blog: We’re NOT expecting & why it’s weird that I have to defend myself for not being pregnant at 19.

Add yours

  1. We get that you don’t want kids yet. We do. But we also don’t want you to keep bringing it up over and over again. It’s like you’re trying to start something with us.

    By the way… We still do go to school and get the degree we want. We get the careers we want. Friends like you might disappear when we have kids but we still do have friends that we actually hang out with when we want to. And believe it or not it’s a lot easier to shower when ever you want with a kid than you would think. Once you’re a mom you can do it all. No opportunities are shut down once you birth child. Trust me, I’m doing it now.

    1. I don’t think by saying that comment she was trying to “start something” people are ready for certain moments in their lives before others. Yes you can get a career and go to school with a child. But until someone has children they don’t see things the way a mom does. Ashlyn is one of the sweetest girls and I truly don’t believe she would ever intend to offend anyone. I do understand getting defensive, being just 20 with a 6 month old, I tend to feel the need to defend my life style. But I do have to remind myself that everyone has their own opinion, and things aren’t always meant to be bashing. Like I said before, she is supper nice and would never bash on young moms. I love being a mom, but I do applaud her for knowing she isn’t ready for anything like that. Not a single thing wrong with waiting until you are ready. PS. I’ve STILL not mastered the showering with a screaming baby 🙂

    2. Well said young mom.

      I totally agree with everything you said – how she goes out of her way to say this stuff is absurd. She looks ridiculous saying these things.

      My husband and I stay up late watching Netflix and eating left overs too, btw. It’s not like Netflix doesn’t sell to parents.

    3. Did you (Young Mom and I agree) even read the text? She is talking about HER life and HER choices. She is clearly not bashing others. She brought this post up due to other moms talking to her about having a baby (which it clearly states IN THE POST). Educate yourself.

  2. Refer to my fb page to answers to these comments. You’ll find them under my original link. Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog & post. I value every opinion. I am not anti baby, nor am I a young mom hater. I have plenty of close friends with babies and I very much enjoy spending time with them. I do not believe my post makes me look ridiculous. I’m not trying to be mean, but if everyone else can share their views & opinions.. then I’m entitled to that as well. I can’t wait to have 4 beautiful babies of my own some day. A I’m getting at is that at 19.. now is not the time for me to be buying diapers and breastfeeding. I’d much rather sleep whenever I want, & work two jobs and save for paying back my college loans. I have the rest of my life to be married and have children.. I’ll never be this age again.

  3. It’s GREAT to see you realizing all the opportunities you could be missing if you had a baby at this age. Hanging out with babies is fun– raising them while all your friends go hang out together sucks. I totally get you’re not trying to start anything. These other young moms posting negatively on here must be jealous about something. And being a young mom myself I can kind of understand but girl! Don’t feel you have to defend yourself to their negativity!! You’re smart, educated, and making the most out of your early adult life! Babies are great but you’re doing the right thing by waiting. Take it from me- ain’t nothin’ glamorous about 2am feedings. Oh, and no, taking a shower is NOT as easy as pre-children if you’re a good mom. Remember, don’t let stupid things (or stupid people) break your happiness 🙂 rock on!

  4. I am a young mom too. && I just want you to know that I read this whole article and did not find it offensive. I applaud you for knowing that 19 is not the right time for you. In my town girls start having babies at 13 like it’s a sport and it’s sad because most of them don’t even care about their kids and get them taken. But their are some good young mom’s out there. I am constantly telling my friends without kids to wait. Have fun. Be a teenager than be 20. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything but I do miss sleeping in.

  5. Another young mom here, haha! I loved this post, and I love that you take marriage and having kids seriously enough to give it some thought (too many just jump into it too fast). I got married young and had kids young
    (in that order), it honestly was the right decision for me, but I’ll say that bringing another life into the world is a lot of work, and it does require tons of time and energy. Something to keep in mind though, I think when young moms (or anyone for that matter) get all jumpy or defensive right away, it’s because they might not be 100% comfortable w their choices (even when they claim to be) or they’re already under a lot of pressured and feeling “under attack”. When you’re confident and comfortable with who you are and where you are in life, there’s no need to attack & bash someone else’s choices, if it’s the right thing for you, then you own it and brush the haters off. So while I know it must have sucked to read all those comments, I hope you don’t take them too personal 🙂 Enjoy your freedom to the fullest!!!

    1. Thanks! I bet you have some super cute kiddos! 🙂 a lot of people in my family got married right out of high school and had babies right after. I’ve seen it done and I just know it’s nothing I could do at the moment unless I had to.

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